Have you ever had a really bad fall and then ended up with a deep thick scab? Then a few days later when you have not forgotten about the scab but it doesn't hurt any more, part of it get's ripped off and you are reminded all over again about the original injury?

Have you ever broken a bone and after it heals you bump that limb and feel not pain but a reminder that you were once injured?

One year ago today we lost our baby boy. I don't feel the same pain and anguish that I felt the first two times. I am reminded of the pain and sorrow. I am reminded that there is a piece of my heart I will never have back.

On this weekend with the beautiful sun, light breeze, friends and family around me, the reminder doesn't sting as much as the wound. I thank God that he is a healing God, a patient God, a God of emotion and love. I can walk this time with my head held a little higher. The reminder hurts but doesn't cripple me. The though of having to face tomorrow isn't impossible.

So I say a prayer again today as I have every day this past year, being thankful for my three children I can hug every day, my husband who loves me and supports me, and the hundreds of other positive things I see and are part of each day.

Rest in peace my three angels.

I miss everyone!!! I am going to update and tell you all about my summer soon... until then... enjoy this!

Free!!!

My family and I have come back from our two weeks at the cottage. What an amazing time we had! We had a a few days of the kids taking turns barfing the second week but not so it slowed anyone down... we aren't really sure why it happened...

There was sun, fun, food, family, reading, napping, swimming, friends... sigh... so wonderful!

Here is a link to see the pictures... enjoy!!!

We dropped the kids off at Camp on Sunday. We rushed back to Hamilton to pick up some people who are staying with us for the week. Pernell and I are staying in the boys room for the week... I am certianly not sleeping well... maybe due to a different bed, maybe due to the airconditioner blaring, maybe due to thinking of the kids, maybe due to the anticipation of holidays (FOUR SLEEPS!!!)...

I really want to lay down and sleep for about two hours...

I saw Bear's new siblings in person and held my brother-in-laws new little boy... SOOOO ADORABLE!!!

Trying not to get to excited about holidays as I still have 1 1/2 days of work left (plus 6 hours left today...).

Have to pack... want to sleep...

I wanted to have a date with my husband this week as we have no children... but there is no time:( Ubber sad about that.

ok off to finish my day of work.

Miss my children ever so much!

My husband was goofing around on my blog... he does all the prettiness...

HOWEVER, he erased all of my blog links... I miss you all!!!!

Please send me the link to your blogs so I can put them all back on:)

Thanks

I would like a chocolate bar.

I am amazed that it has been a whole ten years since I became a mother. It blows me away that I have a child who is now double digits.

Samantha,

You are a beautiful, caring, intelligent, kind girl. You love your friends and family with a love that is as great as it is abundant. I love your laugh, hugs, conversation and out look on the world. I am brought to reality by your challenge to make the world a better place and there should be equality for everyone. Your understanding of life is amazing and how you can let others understand what you see is beautiful.

You are becoming an amazing lady. I am so proud of you! Thank you for these past ten years, all we have learned together and all you have been able to teach me!

I love you!

Mom

That is what I was told by my now eight year old son today.

I am happy too!

What an absolute joy it is to raise this boy! Lucas is full of love, care and kindness. He loves people, sees the joy in life, loves to experience new things, and has an abundant love for his family.

Lucas greeted me when I came back from walking the dog this morning at 6:30am, with a big hug and said, "No need to stay laying down on my birthday day!"

I love the twinkle in Lucas' eyes, the hugs he has for his brother, the loyalty he has for his friends and the amazing sense of humor he has.

Lucas thank you for the past eight years. I love to be part of your every day as we grow together.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I am at work today... no one should have to work on a Friday! I am missing time with my Jake... sigh... I brought in Beef stew in the slow cooker and Apple Crisp to share with my friends... it is yummy! My friends liked that treat as well!!

So the first huh I have is why does anyone work on a Friday... the second huh I have is, why do people riding motorcycles have radios on... surely they can't hear them... I am quite confused by that!

That is all folks.

Yes it is cold... yes I still gardened this weekend...yes Jacob still asks me daily how many more sleeps until summer...

I want flip flop weather, sweat on my brow, sun on my face and to be able to pack away at least some of my winter belongings... sigh...

Until then here is a fun fact to read while dreaming of the possibility of maybe having a summer in '08...

Flip-flops are also known as "slops" (South Africa), "slippers"
(Hawaii), "pluggers" (Australia), and "jandals" (New Zealand).

I got up that morning determined to get groceries... Pernell thought I was just a little more weird then normal but let me waddle off. As I stepped from my car in the grocery store lot I felt the first pain... I better hurry! By the time I got to the melons I was breathing heavy and flushed... no one seemed to notice. I did controlled breathing as I payed by debit, that didn't phase the cashier at all!?!

When I got home I gave it my best effort to put the groceries away... at least the stuff needing to go into the fridge got put away.

Upstairs Pernell called down that he was heading out to a meeting and would be back to pick us up to go to our lunch appointment... As he rounded the corner and saw me laying on the stairs he asked what was wrong...

I'm in labor... and it hurts...

We called all six people on our "to watch the kids while we have a baby list"... no one home... honestly what are the chances!?!

Just as we were going to take the kids with us one of the people called back and said she had noticed our number on the phone and was wondering what was up...

Well we hurriedly dropped the kids off at her house and then scooted on down to the hospital.

Less then 90 minutes later we welcomed Jacob into this world...

How can it possibly be six years ago? What a sweet, beautiful, kind, gentle boy he is. He has an amazing sense of humor, a quick love for those around him, a kind word or hug for friends in need, and a heart that doesn't ever seem to be full.

It has been a joy parenting him these past six years and I am thrilled think of the years ahead parenting him and being loved by him.

Jacob I love you a billion and am so proud to call you mine. I hope you have another amazing year ahead!

XOXO Mommy