Today would have been a day I could have looked down into my arms as I cradled our new born son. I could have gazed into the eyes of a child dependent on me. I could have seen the future and the blessings coming our way. I could have rocked our sweet prince and told him how much I loved him. Together Pernell and I would dream, hope and be blessed by the creation God had provided for us.

Today I look down in my arms and rock the emptiness, lost dreams, and could have beens. I gaze into nothing but grief and pain. Pernell and I hold each other and realize there is not that future we had dreamed of.

I struggle through today with the hope of tomorrow, the gift of a supportive and strong husband, blessings I have in the three living children God has given me, and knowing that I will be rocked in the arms of my heavenly father as I shed tears and try and heal my heart.

Today I will worry about getting to tomorrow... tomorrow I will see farther ahead... and hopefully down the road I will feel the rays of healing on my face and the possibilities of the future.

Rest in peace wee son.