Today as I wake the first time, it is with my husbands hand resting on my shoulder. He was sound asleep and I felt so loved, secure and right in the world. I stirred later to have Jake snuggled into me. I love the feeling of my children so close. When I woke up for good it was to the little whispers of Luke and Jake as they tried to carry my tray of toast and tea with daddy to me in bed.

Over the past few days I have almost been dreading this day. I am tiered of being sad, tiered of the what ifs, tiered of being tiered. I don't want to cry anymore, I don't want to have to try figure out my feelings, I don't want people to say something and then look at me and say, "I'm sorry I didn't mean too say that." I want to be me, I want to move on, I want to know what I want.

I love my children more then Life itself. I love my life, I love their father and how he loves them. I couldn't be happier with life in so many ways. My children all have different passions in life, different personalities and different things that make them tick. They love life, their siblings, their family and being themselves.

I love being a mom. In a strange way I love having the heart ache and trials. I think it forms me into who I was, am and going to be. I love that I have a supportive husband, family and children. My children love me, I think in every way that I am a mom. I look forward to seeing what the future will bring meshed together with what the past has provided for us.

Thank you to all who have helped me become the mother I am and the mother I am striving to be. To all the mothers reading this, have the best day ever. Take time reflecting on all you have, what a beautiful past paved behind you, and the rays of the future ahead of you.