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Heads up folks... lots of swear words coming ahead

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

So I went to the Dr today. Very hard. It was really like putting closure to this whole shitty situation. Good in a sense. They were very kind, compassionate and loving. It touched me that in this day and age my Dr would, with welled up eyes, say, "I am so sorry for your loss. I understand that this is someone so close to you and such a big part of your family. Time will help heal you, your heart and your family. I am again sorry for the loss of your child." So many times in reading, when I was pregnant, baby was referred to as if it wasn't a baby. To know that there still is a Dr in this world that thinks of a fetus as a child is wonderful!

I'm healthy as a damn horse. I should be happy... no! It really makes me mad actually. Shit. I mean shouldn't there be something wrong with me.

I kicked the coffee table as I walked by last night and had more physical pain then I have since the miscarriage. What the hell is up with that.

I had this week off work and I am at the point of feeling useless. Stir crazy, dumb, lazy, out of it, and I could go on...

I have diarrhea. The Dr has explained that as my hormones balance out,t this happens. I weigh less now then I have in... well a few years. It is the shits knowing I have strived for a smaller waist line for so long... now I get it because of this. Damn.

What lays ahead is the hard part... talking to the teachers, seeing my work family (knowing I am supported there yet it almost makes me sadder), explaining to my clients, having the conversation with those who haven't heard...

So to hell with the world and the shitty times that lay ahead... tonight I'm eating chocolate, shits or not.

  1. Blogger Jaci said:

    Not a thing I can say to make you feel better, and I can't relate at all, but as for eating chocolate - you go girl! Love ya babe.

  1. Blogger Leslie said:

    I wish you could get on a plane and fly to me...we could cry and swear and eat chocolate togetehr...

  1. Blogger Bumbling Bav said:

    Eat your chocolate.... heck even add some wine and start swearing like a trucker.

    I am sorry.... just so very sorry. Not that that could make anything better or even make you smile. But if there IS something I could do that would make you smile please let me know. Heck, I bet I could teach you a few new words TRUCKER STYLE!

    Just know I am thinking of you and your family.

  1. Anonymous krista said:

    Love you and your honesty.

  1. Blogger Jodi said:

    Oh Margie! I remember all too well having to "tell" everyone who hadn't heard. I think I cried every single time I had to say it.

    I am praying for you and your family that time will help you heal and give you some peace.

    I agree with Andrea, eat your chocolate! I know I would! :)

    Love ya!

  1. Blogger Lou Renaud said:

    Had a personal crying jag this week for myself and everyone hurting.. Told God He was a real bastard... He said He was glad I confronted Him about it- said He knew I was thinking it anyway and was glad to clear the air. Then He smiled at me...

  1. Blogger Alison said:

    Still eating chocolate here in support of you! Keep taking it day by day and swear all you want to!!!

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