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This could be long and somewhat confusing and at times boring... hang in or log off...

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

I'm going to tackle the sister/sibling/are we close topic... here goes.

I was adopted when I was very small, cute and adorable (except for the small part that is still how I am). My mom who adopted me, had adopted another small cute and adorable girl 3 1/2 years before me (she is still cute and adorable now too). Growing up it was Alison, mom and me.

Growing up Alison and I were not close. I don't think it was wrong or right in question, it was really the fact that we were day and night. When my sister moved out, I was in grade 10, we became nice to each other and when I moved to Toronto when I finished high school, we were more interested in each others lives. It wasn't until however I got married that we seemed to have something in common... and started a friendship. Now speaking for myself... I never disliked my sister, even through the ups and downs of our family quirks (some of you will understand that).

It is over the last 8 1/2 years that I think we have developed a friendship, understanding of each other, and appreciation for what/who we are.

However there is still these questions of; what makes a sibling a sibling? Why is this important? Are siblings more/less important or is there a secret about them that provides/enhances something in your life? Are friends in the same league as siblings?

Alison and I have had a few conversations about this as of late and I have come to some conclusions, for me/us and our relationship as siblings.

We are close now but have worked to get to that point. Yes I have friends that I am just as close to, however I would loose a limb for my sister and have this undying allegiance to her that wells up like a 'mama bear' feeling when ill is said or Alison is hurt in any way. I don't know if this is due to the "I want everyone happy" syndrome I have or because Alison is my sister.

Alison started a journey a few years ago in finding her birth family. I thank God daily that it has been a blessing for her and has not brought hurt. In this journey my sister has acquired two brothers. I don't bat an eye lash in hearing her talk about her brothers. I also think fully that they are her brothers. Adopted children don't get a choice about life taking that turn and they don't get the choice in the matter that the biological parents may have more children. Other families without adoption in the mix, bring in new friends/'aunts', 'uncles' into their lives.

Well now I have started the journey of finding my biological family. I have learned so far that I have a sister and brother on the maternal side. Time will tell if I become involved in their life or them in mine. Now they are two more people that become very important for me to pray for.

I love family. I can't wait to meet Alison's family (who I consider to be mine also... extended amounts of aunts and uncles I think I classify them as... I don't know how to label them). I also know that Alison will embrace any biological family I get involve with (as she has done so far with the information I have received).

To sum up... even though Alison and I don't get to see each other (besides photographs) very often, and we really are still day and night, and we think differently about stuff, and we... well I could go on and on... I love her to bits, I hate it when mom and her are spatting (or wanting to spit on each other), and I wouldn't give her up as a friend let alone as a sister. I thank God she is my sister because I don't think our personalities would have formed friends if we hadn't had to associate with each other over the past 30 1/2 years :)

That's it, you made it!!! Thanks!

  1. Blogger Jodi said:

    It wasn't long, confusing or boring. It was so sweet.

    I am very intrigued about the adoption part of it since we have an adopted daughter.

    I am glad to see the two of you have formed a bond as sisters and friends. There is nothing like a sister.

  1. Blogger Lori said:

    What an adenvture you are on! To get so much new family is amazing! This post made me cry for you, a happy cry. I am happy that things are moving in a good direction. You and Alison may be as different as night and day, but you are both very loving.
    Thanks for sharing Margie. I love it when you are open like this.

  1. Blogger Alison said:

    Not quite sure what to say.
    At the risk of sounding like I'm starting my own pity party, I'm going to suggest some reasons that are in my mind contributing factors to our family quirks. I often felt the odd man out. As though I didn't fit. Mom and Margie were musical, I was told I couldn't sing. Mom was an intellectual, matter of fact sort of woman, I was the more emotional, dreamer, non academic. I felt if I had my own thoughts which didn't conform to those of my mother they were wrong, so I always presented them in a very defensive and argumentative fasion, hoping that just once that they would be accepted as valid. For Margie, that put her in a poor atmosphere and thereby causing more of a disconnect between us.
    The method of discipline was VERY different for each of us. Granted Margie didn't need to be disciplined as often as I did but that fact built up a resentment in me against her.
    Margie is able to tolerate and enjoy Mom much more than I am and again that becomes an exasperating point for both of us. I had to leave home in grade twelve and Margie suffered through that disfunctionality as well.
    All of these things and many others contributed to the relationship that Margie and I have as sisters. We weren't allies, we were cohabitators. As she has said, time has been our friend and we have been able to forge a trail together. She will quite honestly tell you that I still piss her off. I will tell you quite honestly that I wouldn't leave my children to anyone else but her. That must speak something to how I feel about her.
    She is my sister. There is no other. Yes we will both have friends that we are closer to but I'm hoping that in the end we would choose each other for life.

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