I got up that morning determined to get groceries... Pernell thought I was just a little more weird then normal but let me waddle off. As I stepped from my car in the grocery store lot I felt the first pain... I better hurry! By the time I got to the melons I was breathing heavy and flushed... no one seemed to notice. I did controlled breathing as I payed by debit, that didn't phase the cashier at all!?!

When I got home I gave it my best effort to put the groceries away... at least the stuff needing to go into the fridge got put away.

Upstairs Pernell called down that he was heading out to a meeting and would be back to pick us up to go to our lunch appointment... As he rounded the corner and saw me laying on the stairs he asked what was wrong...

I'm in labor... and it hurts...

We called all six people on our "to watch the kids while we have a baby list"... no one home... honestly h=what are the chances!?!

Just as we were going to take the kids with us one of the people called back and said she had noticed our number on the phone and was wondering what was up...

Well we hurriedly dropped the kids off at her house and then scooted on down to the hospital.

Less then 90 minutes later we welcomed Jacob into this world...

How can it possibly be six years ago? What a sweet, beautiful, kind, gentle boy he is. He has an amazing sense of humor, a quick love for those around him, a kind word or hug for friends in need, and a heart that doesn't ever seem to be full.

It has been a joy parenting him these past six years and I am thrilled think of the years ahead parenting him and being loved by him.

Jacob I love you a billion and am so proud to call you mine. I hope you have another amazing year ahead!

XOXO Mommy

Click on the picture that you think best fits the title on the top of each page. Follow it all the way through. Then read your personality type...

Fun!

The past few weeks has been super hard for me. An emotional roller coaster... with very few highs but a million steep slops down... downs that are not seen coming.

About two weeks ago a friend from college had her second miscarriage. She was a t 16 weeks. My heart breaks for her especially as they do not have any children to go home to. My children over the past two years have certainly helped me heal after each miscarriage!

This week I cried through what would have been the due date of this third miscarriage Pernell and I have had in the past two years. A moment harder then the last two and much more emotional for me for some unknown reason.

Last week I heard from my sister as she lost a close friend. Less then a week later they tried to celebrate the first birthday of this friends youngest child. They face next week the funeral and again try to find a way to say good bye.

Today I wept with my sister on the phone as she told me of a close friend we had grown up with. She now lives down the road from my sister. Yesterday she appeared at my sister's door to tell her the six and a half month child that she still carried in her womb had died. Today she is delivering her daughter. Not in the moment of happiness, joy and wonder that we think of at a birth. Today they will shed many tears of sorrow, disbelief and not being able to understand. Our friends parents are out of the country and now flying back. They have some very tight connections. Please pray that they make it safely so they can be with their daughter.

I am tiered. I don't want to cry any more. I want my heart to stop physically hurting. I want feel natural when I smile. I want to laugh again... really laugh, feel good laughing. I want to stop hurting. I don't want to be sad any more. I don't want to have to hide my tears from my children any more...

I want something special to happen in my life. I really think I am looking for a miracle.

I just don't want to be this me any more...

Today would have been a day I could have looked down into my arms as I cradled our new born son. I could have gazed into the eyes of a child dependent on me. I could have seen the future and the blessings coming our way. I could have rocked our sweet prince and told him how much I loved him. Together Pernell and I would dream, hope and be blessed by the creation God had provided for us.

Today I look down in my arms and rock the emptiness, lost dreams, and could have beens. I gaze into nothing but grief and pain. Pernell and I hold each other and realize there is not that future we had dreamed of.

I struggle through today with the hope of tomorrow, the gift of a supportive and strong husband, blessings I have in the three living children God has given me, and knowing that I will be rocked in the arms of my heavenly father as I shed tears and try and heal my heart.

Today I will worry about getting to tomorrow... tomorrow I will see farther ahead... and hopefully down the road I will feel the rays of healing on my face and the possibilities of the future.

Rest in peace wee son.

Good for them! I was almost brought to tears reading about how hard this organization is working at doing the best they can for the environment! It is especially hard for a store that sells paper products, computer and electronics, and so many things that are considered disposable.

If only a few start... it will make a difference!

Here is a link that gives a lot of stories about how different cities and businesses did for Earth Hour. It really is wonderful that so many embraced this event. I really am blown away by the participation, especially knowing that this is only year two of it happening, and year one of it happening across the word!

Earth Hour 2008 reports

I can't wait to find out what impact this had on our environmental footprint!

Last year's Earth Hour, which happened only in Sydney, Australia, had the effect of taking 48,000 cars off the road for an hour. This year's event is global, so savings will be even bigger.

If 10,000 households turn off 10 lights tomorrow night for just one hour, we'll avert the CO2 created by an average apartment in a whole year.

Landmarks like the Golden Gate Bridge, Sears Tower, and the Sydney Opera House will dim during Earth Hour.

My daughter is turning 10. So far in life she has always been open about everything in her life, and respected the boundaries we have put in her life... we want to keep it that way.

So Sam brings to my attention different things that are "in", in various areas of life. Sam often informs me of the cool sites on the Internet that her friends are involved with. She wants to be part of all of them but has no problem when told she can't. However as she gets older I realize that Fisher price, TVO kids, and others like this, she is soon outgrowing or outgrown...

So Sam is showing me "teen" sites, or "tween" sites... they scare me... however I realize that soon enough she will want to branch out... I would rather help her find safe ones and be a partner than have her explore on her own!

So here is one she is interested in... I am wondering if any of you out there have heard of it or know about it or have heard reviews on it.

Also I am wondering if any of you have some sites that you could recommend...

Thanks for listening to a mother who loves watching her daughter grow up, yet is scared to death of the possibilities of the Internet!

You may remember this post...

Well soon after that the ladybug went missing in the boys room. Jake was devastated.

Today I found a live ladybug in my bedroom. Jake said, "Awwwwww mom you found her, Alyiah and my ladybug."

It has now been about 15 minutes since we "found" her... she is missing again...

oh well

At church last week, Susan took her kids down stairs. When she went down, her husband, Randy, went to sit down. He moved the chair she had been sitting right next to his. When Susan came up she moved the chair over as she walked between the two. Randy watched her sit down and then adjusted his chair over to right next to her again... watching Randy enjoying the moment of sitting with his wife, made my heart happy... I like Susan and Randy.

Well the kids had their last swimming lesson last night... then we stayed for the family swim after. We had invited a few people but they couldn't come for various reasons...

Good thing as Jake ended up barfing in the pool... oops! Swallowed a bit too much water... it worked out as we were just planning on getting out... other families not so happy about the 10 min they had to sit out while the pool got shocked...

Poor Jake felt so horrible! He is all better now.